During therapy sessions with clients, there are certain words that come up often – productive, purpose, worthy, accomplished, validated and approval.
As someone who is passionate about teaching mindfulness, I find that most folks have a really hard time believing it when I tell them that they are worthy just because they exist with breath, body and a beating heart.
Now that I am months away from being on the 5th floor and saying goodbye to my 40’s, I realize I am so much more comfortable with doing less and not striving so hard to achieve more.
Don’t get me wrong, I have dreams that I try to turn into goals so that they can be given enough energy to come to life.
While I worked out this afternoon lifting heavy weights and doing what felt like endless squats, I was trying to stay focused on my body and breath, but my mind was drifting towards what ‘accomplished’ truly means.
We grow up being told and made to believe that accomplishments are:
· Graduating from high school and then college
· Owning a car
· Buying a house
· Checking off to do lists as quickly as possible
· Completing tasks and/or work assignments in a timely manner
· Having a family (particularly having kids)
· Landing a good paying job to make money and own stuff
What if I said that accomplishments have little to do with what you achieve or what you acquire…And that feeling accomplished does not come from any external validation?
In contemplating this, I think about animals and trees. I deeply value both and never think to ask my animals or the trees in my yard, ‘what have you accomplished today?’
For instance, I look at my cats who I adore and feel grateful for the snuggles they give me when they feel like it or when they know I feel sad.
I see my dog who I love for the ways she teaches us to keep a healthy lifestyle and routine of walking, playing, and going to sleep early. Her love is unconditional.
The trees I admire and sometimes touch or lay down under provide me with shade on a sunny day and oxygen that helps me stay alive.
What if we focused less on our accomplishments and more on what truly helps us to feel accomplished and/or whole?
These days my accomplishments look like this:
· Being kind to my husband & people I interact with daily
· Treating myself nicely by remembering to monitor my self-talk to ensure it sounds loving & compassionate vs. harsh & judgmental
· Speaking to people in my household with a more gentle tone
· Giving compliments or smiling at strangers I pass by in the park
· Placing my attention on my body by taking pauses to connect & take a few deep intentional breaths
· Moving & stretching
· Offering to help friends or family when they clearly need it
· Sitting with myself when I am having big emotions or negative thoughts so I can be with myself long enough to understand what is going on inside of me
· Planning less to make space for slowing down and more rest
· Connecting with my heart daily by putting my hand on it to check in
· Listening to my body by consciously landing into it feel embodied
· Noticing my inner child when she gets hurt & re-wounded
· Trying new things outside my comfort zone to grow my sense of self
· Feeling gratitude to Mother Earth for the gifts she provides us
· Showing Love and remembering to see others through the eyes of Love rather than fear or judgement
· Staying true to myself & living in accordance with what makes me feel good & aligned
When I am an old woman, I won’t be measuring my life on the accomplishments that society told me I should have.
I want to believe I will be thinking of the people that influenced me and how I brought meaning to my own life and to others.
My hope is that I will be reflecting on the people I loved and those that loved me back. Those that truly accepted me for me.
The more I live, the more I understand that what we all want is to feel cared for and accepted. The accomplishments won’t really matter in the end.