As it is

How often do you wish you could change something about a particular situation or circumstance in your life?

We invest much of our time, energy, thoughts, and emotions on trying to figure out how to solve what feels like a problem because our brain is a problem solving organ. The brain's job is to solve problems so even when we don’t have a problem, we create one in our mind.

As a psychotherapist, my days are spent working with people who are seeking help on how to solve a problem or change something outside of themselves so that they can feel better on the inside.

The first sessions with clients are dedicated to listening to them tell their stories. Once a comfort level is reached and rapport is built, our connection grows stronger. I notice that what changes first is their perspective of the problem instead of the actual problem. When listening to what people want to change externally shifts into hearing them talk about what they need to change internally, I know that real work is happening because their awareness has expanded.

In the last few weeks, I have been learning more about accepting what is, in my ACT class. ACT stands for Acceptance Commitment Therapy which is a form of therapy that incorporates mindfulness skills. Mindfulness means paying attention with flexibility, openness, and curiosity. The acronym ACT stands for:

A- Accept your thoughts and feelings, and be present

C- Choose a valued direction

T- Take action

I am learning about this therapy so that I can try to help my clients come to a new understanding of the problem that they are wanting to change. It can be difficult to be the sounding board for a person who is struggling with a problem that they have no control over because the truth is...sometimes we just have to accept things as they are and more importantly accept people as they are.

We can only control our self by noticing the thoughts we choose to engage with, managing our emotions with gentle curiosity, responding with loving kindness vs. reacting, and committing to taking actions that line up with our values so that we can create a full and meaningful life.

One of my newest friends in Portland who I respect and admire reminds herself of this everyday when she looks at her wrist. I asked Lauren to explain what the tatoo meant and she said, “Just accept what we cannot change and make the best of it. I hate using up energy on things that are futile and that I am unable to impact so I don’t. In a way, it’s attempting to release attachment.”

So there you have it. As it is...accept and work to change you so that your awareness of a problem causes you less suffering. Live now here with clear intentions, act in service of what you value, and be your best self!

Energized by Spring and Colors that Keep you Feeling this Way

Spring time in Portland is in full effect. The trees are blooming with bright beautiful colors making it very tempting for me to stop at each corner to take a picture and capture this amazing transformation that happens after many cold and rainy days.

The change feels so drastic that it's almost as though the entire city comes alive after having been dormant throughout the winter months. People are out and about, the hiking areas fill up, camping trips start happening, and lots more bike riding to be had.

It's awesome to experience this external change that directly influences our internal mood and state of being. We humans are deeply impacted by our environment and by how we experience our senses. Spring seems to be one of the seasons that really enhances the senses.

We get to see natures vibrant growth and brilliant colors, we hear the birds chirp their tune of gratitude for the change in climate, we smell the aroma of flowers as we walk by, we taste the freshness of cooler food and drink, and we feel the warmth of the sun on our skin now that we've been able to shed the layers of clothes we no longer need.

In thinking of this season, I have had Ayurveda on my mind. It is an alternative medical system with historical roots from India that actually follows three seasons instead of four. Its practices align with their seasons which they refer to as vata (late fall to early winter), kapha (coldest part of winter into spring), and pitta (late spring into early fall). These seasons are also considered doshas and the Ayurvedic belief is that they govern not only our body constitution, but everything else in the cosmos as well.

Ayurveda therapies and practices are now known in the Western World and are being integrated with general wellness applications for medical use. I was first introduced to Ayurveda by my father who became intrigued by alternative medicine in the early 80's and dedicated much of his life to understanding it in order to help people heal holistically by treating the root of their physical, mental, and emotional problems. He and his wife are committed to living in alignment with Ayurvedic beliefs so much so that they even incorporate it into their wardrobe.

I share this with you because I myself have been following this practice for the last few years and have noticed a positive shift in my overall mood and energy level when I dress in sync with the colors that go with each day of the week. Just as spring makes us feel more energized so do the things that we do for our minds, our bodies, and our spirits to feel more in alignment and in tune with the natural flow of life.

Below is a blurb I found for you to read more on the colors of the week along with a chart of the colors so that you can start following along to see if you notice a difference in your overall state of being. Why not? Surely I'm not the only one who is looking for ways to feel more energized even when it's not spring time. Have fun with it and happy Spring!

*note: Friday is purple day so the chart below is a bit off. Purple power is a must.

A person should wear clothes of appropriate color for each day of the week, in order to absorb the planetary energy in the light in a positive way. For instance, to calm down the mind, which in Vedic astrology relates to the Moon, the person should dress in white clothes on Monday, which is the day of the Moon. Tuesday relates to Mars, so red or orange is the best color on that day. Wednesday is Mercury which is green while Thursday you should dress in yellow and get the blessings of Jupiter. Friday relates to Venus so it is good to wear purple and bright colors. Saturday is the day of Saturn, and best for blue, black, and dark colors. Sunday is a dark red color for the Sun. ~Vasant Lad

Self Worth

This is a topic that I have been wrestling with for the last few years. Since becoming a psychotherapist and working more with adults, I find that about 95% of my clients are coming in for various reasons, with different stories/life experiences, and sharing a common factor that is, this deep sense of lacking, that I believe we as humans all feel.

I see how difficult it is for people to be kind, gentle, and loving towards themselves. It astounds me how most of the time it is because of two emotions that creep around their psyche and cause them to feel so much pain that continues to get fed by their self loathing. These two emotions are the ones we don't like to feel and definitely don't want to talk about- guilt and shame.

I've read articles and heard about how much of this may actually stem from our childhood when our developing minds are constantly hearing things like- “No” or “Don't do that” or “That's wrong.” All parents mean well with the intention to protect and correct. Our self is constantly being told what to do or what not to do during life's stages of childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood until finally we become an adult who is then 'allowed' to think and feel however we want.

What's interesting is once we're at this point, where we're free to decide who we are, who we want to be or what we want to do, we seem to be too weighed down by feelings of guilt and shame to be able to make these determinations with confidence and love for self. For some reason, the choices we've made throughout our life that led us down hurtful paths of feeling regret or remorse seem to have more power over us then feelings of self forgiveness and understanding.

The realization I have been having most recently in the last year is that the more I accept myself with all of the good choices I've made along with all the bad ones, the more I am able to feel worthy of living a life of value and the more self worth I grow. My worth not only comes from how I treat myself, but also from how I treat others and what I have to give. Being self absorbed actually stunts the growth of your self worth because if you are not able to think outside of yourself, you limit true connection and we humans, are meant to connect with others in order to feel whole.

Self worth is not something that just happens one day that you can check off of your to do list. It is a practice that needs to be nurtured moment to moment and day by day. If I live in a state of constant self rejection where I allow myself to believe that my value is only worth what others believe it is, then of course the end result is that I will experience life and the world as a constant rejection. If I believe that what I do isn't good enough, what I say doesn't matter, and who I am depends on how others view me, then the end result is that I am disconnected from myself because I haven't taken the time to actually know myself and grow my worth according to what I stand for and what I value as important.

I can't talk about self worth without mentioning self compassion because it wasn't until I discovered self compassion, that I was able to really begin to understand and nurture my self worth. Self compassion is learning how to become your own best friend. It is treating yourself the way you would treat a dear friend, a beloved pet or an innocent child by being loving, kind, and gentle with your words and with your actions. This is where our inner dialogue (inner voice) plays a big role in how we feel about ourselves, how we view our self, and how worthy we believe that we are.

A few weeks ago, I started taking a class to learn about Acceptance Commitment Therapy where we have been discussing how our life experiences, thoughts, and actions can be in favor of suffering or of valued living. My understanding thus far is that we all have the ability to accept what is, with less struggle and commit to living a life of value.

Here are a few questions that come to mind when I think of measuring whether or not your self worth is growing or may need some nurturing:

• What do you do to take care of your mind, body, spirit, and emotions?

• How do you talk to yourself?

• Do you listen more to your inner critic (devil) or your inner compassion (angel)?

• What do you value?

• What do you do to move in direction of your values?

• Do you value yourself?

• What do you believe about yourself?

• Do you believe in yourself?

• Who do you see when you look in the mirror? What do you say?

• How accepting are you of your faults or flaws?

• What things do you do to show yourself love, kindness, and gentleness?

• What do you really need in order to be happy?

• How much gratitude do you feel and show?

• How do you treat others?

• What do you do for others?

• How do you make others feel?

• What do you do, all on your own, that makes you feel whole?

• How much time do you spend creating vs. thinking about creating?

• Who determines who you are?

An old friend reminded me of a saying this week that I think ties in nicely with this topic of self worth: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” What if I shape that in a different way and say...“When we learn to accept love from our own self, we will believe in the love we know that we deserve.”

A newer friend shared this with me recently that I feel sums up where I am now regarding my own self worth:

“If you want something really, really badly, let go of it completely.

When you let go, you will suddenly remember that you are complete as is.

This will also give the thing you wanted, or even better, a chance to come to the centered, complete and worthy new you.

The crazy thing is, it suddenly won't be the source of your happiness.

You will be the source of your happiness.

Everything that comes into your life is a by-product of how truly connected and accepting you are of yourself.”

Sound It Out

This weeks theme was sound.  I tried out a new yoga class where the teacher was encouraging us to make noise as we moved through poses and let out our breath. There is something so therapeutic about opening your mouth to let out sounds and sighs when we have so much stored up inside.

Sometimes I wonder if our voices have a mind of their own and wonder why we only use them to talk or sing in the car. Our voices hold so much energy and most of the time, we monitor how that energy is set free.

Hearing is one of our senses that highly influences our body, mind, and emotions. Think about how you feel when you hear loud sounds, soft sounds or how different kinds of music completely change your mood. Well what if our sense of hearing actually feels relief when we allow ourselves to make some noise?

In 2013, I started working with my own psychotherapist. Lo and behold she brought to light for me that I had anger I wasn't aware of. Working with her, I realized that passive aggressive behaviors were a sign of pent up anger needing to be released. She taught me to purge my anger through an invaluable tool that I now share with my own clients.

Anger is an energetically charged emotion that needs to be discharged and the best way to do this is through:

• Movement- run, walk, kickbox, punch a pillow, punch the air, just move the energy flow.

• Sound- scream in your car or closet, let out a good sigh, sing, hum, cry like you mean it, laugh out loud.

• Words- write in a journal without censoring, practice saying out loud what you want to say to someone else until you're ready to air it out, express yourself, communicate your boundaries, wants, and needs.

You can be creative on how you want to purge your anger as long as you get it out in these 3 ways. If not released, this is an emotion that becomes very toxic for your body and mind. There is nothing wrong with feeling anger as it is a natural emotion that arises to protect you. It's in the when and how you release it, that makes all the difference.

During sessions with clients, we often take breaks from talking to take deep breaths and connect with a feeling that may be needing attention. I encourage them to really let go during the exhales and to feel comfortable with letting out loud sighs in order to release the tension and suppression of emotions. At first, they seem too shy to vocalize how they feel through sound. Once they realize the huge release they experience from making some noise, they open up to the idea and I witness their letting go and see the relief on their faces and in their body.

This is an invitation for you to make some noise with no holds barred. Begin a new kind of relationship with your voice and the sounds it can make. Open your mouth, let something out, and notice how this helps to liberate you and lighten the load you carry inside.

Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

This picture was taken as a reminder for myself to let go of thinking so much. I found it sitting outside a friend's door and when I asked her about it, she replied with, “let go of everything, including your head.”

Then a few weekends ago at a yoga workshop called 'Coming to our Senses', the presenter stated something similar to this in different words. She said “take the needle off the record and stop the spinning mind.”

In therapy sessions, I feel that much of what I am helping clients with is learning how to get out of their heads and more into their bodies. To connect with their breath, their five senses, and practice mindfulness so that they feel less mind full.

The body is where we hold our emotions. It's also where we stuff them, store them, and try to ignore them.

What most of us don't realize is that these emotions need to be felt, seen, and heard. They need our attention and our love so that we can heal from past traumas and painful experiences that keep us weighed down and in the dark. The more we try to suppress and avoid them, the more powerful they become until we have no other choice but to feel them. I see emotions as our human guides because without them, we would feel nothing and then well, we wouldn't be human beings, we would be robots.

It wasn't until I became more involved in yoga and meditation, that I learned that I too was a walking head. I spent most of my time, thinking and thinking and actually believing every thought as though it were true because it was in my mind. The result was ongoing feelings of anxiety, depression, and fear.

If we allow it to, the mind can become a hamster wheel that keeps us stuck in a variety of thoughts that are full of judgment, self criticism, stories we tell ourselves, our misperceptions of self and others, and negativity that eats away at our souls and self worth.

Movement is what our body needs. Breath is what our mind needs in order to relax and remember to drop into the body. In yoga, we learn to feel and listen to our body. We use the breath as a healing agent to loosen up the pressure and tension we hold in our body that more than likely is also where we have stored emotions that we are too afraid or uncomfortable to feel.

This was a passage read in yoga class from The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo:

We can only consider things so long. After a while, all the information-all the options and opinions-will begin to weigh us down. After our deeper eyes have seen the situation, all the well-meaning voices telling us what we should or should not do will start to feel like strings we can't cut through.

This was poor Hamlet's fate. He overthought his life away. He over-considered which way to go until he felt stalled and oppressed by just being in the world. It is natural enough to be cautious and thoughtful, especially when faced with important decisions, but often the only way to know what awaits us to live to it.

This brings to mind the revelation that came upon a Hindu sage centuries ago. One day in the middle of their morning prayers, the sage suddenly rose and ushered his students away from the monastery. He rushed about them and shooed them back into life like little ducks, proclaiming, “The day is to be experienced, not understood!”

If you want to feel more calm and ease, go ahead and start practicing this daily. Get out of your head, more into your body, and allow yourself to feel with mind, body, and spirit as a whole human. And remember to breathe through whatever comes up.

What Grounds You?

To be grounded means to be well balanced and sensible.

When I think back on my teens and twenties, I remember the good times fondly, many challenging times filled with confusion and difficult emotions, and a huge chunk of time spent in a bubble of scattered thoughts that kept me pretty self absorbed, while at the same time disconnected from my own self.  A perfect recipe for being very uncentered and far away from feeling grounded.

I was living IN my head instead of living WITH mind, body, and spirit.

In my late twenties, one of the things I discovered about myself when I slowly began to emerge out of my bubble of comfort and cluelessness was that I always felt more calm, at ease, and less anxious when I was around trees.

On my 29th birthday in late November, I remember it being a beautiful day outside. A good friend decided to take the day off of work to hang out with me and when he asked what I wanted to do, I told him that I wanted to walk around town and take pictures of all the gorgeous trees with fall colored leaves. This turned into a ritual that I adopted no matter the season because I knew it was something I could do to help me feel grounded and more connected to nature, to beauty, to change, and to life.

My love for trees has grown so much in the last 10 years, so much so that now I live in a place known for its magnificent trees. The roots I planted then continue to grow with the knowledge that there is something sacred, glorious, and living that I can always turn to when I need to feel solid, stable, and secure.

Think of what it is that helps you to feel more grounded, then try it. Ultimately, don't we all want to feel well balanced and sensible?

Now I'd like to share these words about trees that profoundly moved me and inspired my writing this for you today.

Found in a magazine called Stay Wild and written in an article called Nor Cal Swimmin Club by Jeff Edwards:

“For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing only: to fulfill themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves. Nothing is holier, nothing is more exemplary than a beautiful, strong tree.”

“When a tree is cut down and reveals it naked death-wound to the sun, one can read its whole history in the luminous, inscribed disk of its trunk: in the rings of its years, its scars, all the struggle, all the suffering, all the sickness, all the happiness and prosperity stand truly written, the narrow years and the luxurious years, the attacks withstood, the storms endured.”

Depression

Most of the clients I work with are seeking therapy because they are suffering from symptoms of depression and/or anxiety. Often times, the anxiety has gotten so bad that they cannot handle daily tasks or being in social settings. The depressive symptoms they are experiencing are debilitating, draining or just flat out suffocating.

In 2014, I attended a training called Yoga as Mind-Body Medicine with Bo Forbes. She is a clinical psychologist who integrates yoga, mindfulness, neuroscience, psychology, and movement studies. I specifically remember that in the first 5 minutes of her training, she said that by the year 2030, depression and anxiety would be two of the most predominant illnesses affecting people worldwide. This is an epidemic that is already being seen not only in adults, but even more so in our children.  

The state of people’s mental health has become more of a problem in the last decade. What do you think the reason for that is?  

I largely account it to the social stigma around mental illness that surprisingly still exists in many parts of the world and to the increase in technology which has us more connected in one way, but much more disconnected in the way that we need in order to survive as a species. Human beings need relationships in order to feel connected, fulfilled, and alive. We need to feel connected with self, person to person contact, human warmth, and touch.

Depression and anxiety is not something that gets treated and just goes away.  Many people today take medication to help stabilize their moods and symptoms, but many times the medication also serves as a kind of band aid. The sort of mindset that… if you don’t feel the problem, then it no longer exists.  My concern as a psychotherapist is that depression and anxiety may be symptoms of an underlying problem that has not been uncovered or tapped into and more often than not, the problem has to do with unresolved issues, unspoken words (past trauma), and suppressed emotions that cause harm to the mind, body, and spirit.

In my opinion, treating depression and anxiety involves:

1.       Understanding what the specific symptoms look and feel like

2.       Exploring how the symptoms are affecting daily functioning

3.       Discovering why certain feelings seem to be overpowering the mind and body

4.       Doing the work of learning HOW to MANAGE and LIVE a fulfilling life despite having the symptoms. The HOW can be the focus and the light at the end of tunnel.

 As a counselor, I see my role as being the guide in helping people understand and learn what works specifically for them so that they see life as something worth living for. For this reason, I have become more and more passionate about finding ways to help others heal from the inside out. 

Root&Connect came from this desire to want to help others feel better. From my own experience, I have learned through trial and error that coping and managing depression and anxiety takes effort just like everything else that is worthwhile.

The path of Root&Connect is to Root, Connect, Grow, Nurture, and Live.

 My goal is to help people figure out the process that works best for them so that they can begin and follow this path as a way to live, not as a means to survive. My own personal process to achieve the path is:

1.       Daily meditation practice

2.       Giving and feeling gratitude for the ways that I am blessed each day

3.       Exercising regularly

4.       Yoga for mind, body, and spirit union

5.       Supplements

6.       Eating balanced and healthy

7.       Gentle love and kindness towards self and others

8.       Mindfulness practices…Being now here moment to moment without judgment

9.       Doing things that I feel passionate about, things that light up my spirit

10.   Connecting with my higher power and with people I encounter no matter where I am

I met my new favorite yoga teacher, Meghan, at a studio here called Firelight Yoga. Last week in class, she said these simple words that landed so perfectly and resonated through my entire being…”we have breath and we have movement, these are such precious gifts that we often forget to feel thankful for.” For me these are the two greatest gifts we have to help us feel rooted and connected with self so that we can actually feel connected with others and the world around us.

What would be your process to follow along the path of Root&Connect?  Life is too short to let depression and anxiety get the best of us. 

Brain Health

During my time as an LPC intern, I learned a lot of new information on the body in relation to our emotions, the brain, how to be an effective therapist, and different therapeutic tools to use with clients.

One of the most fascinating things I took from all of the information was on the amazingness of what is called neuroplasticity, which is the capacity for creating new neural connections and growing new neurons in response to experiences that reshape our brain. What this means is that neuroplasticity is the power of the brain to change, to grow new connections that reestablish old mental functions, and to heal.

Our brain is directly shaped by our relationships and our interactions with the world. This is why our life experiences can either be pleasingly memorable or painfully impactful. Neuroplasticity allows for the neurons in our brain to fire together and rewire so that we can become unstuck from our painful past. Who doesn't want that?

Please note that whenever you engage in any of these 4 activities, you will automatically be improving the health of your brain:

1. Focused Attention- when you are using careful focus of attention.
2. Aerobic exercise- the act of repetition and movement.
3. Novelty- trying something new or unfamiliar.
4. Emotional arousal- when you experience good feelings or an emotional connection.

When I discovered that neuroplasticity could occur throughout the life span, I felt hopeful for humanity and our healing. It was encouraging to know that no matter how painful or traumatic an experience may have been for us, we have the ability to recover and learn new ways of perceiving, feeling, thinking, responding, and behaving.

This discovery is one of the reasons I feel so passionate about practicing mindfulness and sharing its benefits with others. If we break down the 4 activities above into more simpler terms, they would go something like this:

1. When you give attention to things, try to pause and really engage with your eyes, ears, and your heart. Remember that your breath is always available to help you focus when you need to.
2. Move as much as possible. Shake off that nervous energy, those repressed emotions, and connect with your body, otherwise known as your temple.
3. Try one new thing each day. This can be as simple as trying a new food, going home on a different route, or using a shampoo you have never used before. Anytime, you are open to doing something you have never done before or making any kind of change (even if subtle)...this is novelty.
4. Show love to people around you, express how you feel, give long and meaningful hugs to those you care about, make an effort to be more affectionate with your body, your thoughts, and your words.

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

~ Leo Buscaglia – 1924-1998, Author and Speaker

The 7 Wonders of the World

One of my favorite aunts who lives in Colombia likes to send me videos through Whats App. Recently, she sent me a video of a man from Spain who was describing a scenario that took place inside of a 3rd grade classroom.

During the week, the teacher had been discussing the 7 wonders of the world. The students had seen pictures, identified the countries where they existed, and talked about what made each of these places such a wonder.

Towards the end of the week, the teacher wanted to assess what the students had learned and retained from the weeks discussion so she asked them to list the 7 wonders they could remember on a piece of paper. After a certain amount of time, all of the students had written something down except for one girl who seemed to be thinking and still working on writing down her answers. The teacher noticed the girl and asked her if she needed more time. A few seconds later, the girl wrote one more thing on her paper and smiled while she replied to her teacher that she was finished. Intrigued, the teacher asked the girl if she would like to share with the class what she had written. The girl said yes and began listing them off one by one.

She said, “the 7 wonders of the world are that we can see, hear, taste, touch, smell, laugh, and love.

When I finished watching this video, I felt a warmth in my heart and smile on my face. This is exactly what mindfulness is all about. It's about noticing all of the things that we so easily take for granted, but that are actually the things that make us alive and human.

When we connect with these 7 wonders, we are reminded of how amazing it is that we have the ability to:

• see such beauty all around us in people, nature, and in man-made creations

• hear songs and melodies that move us

• taste the deliciousness of all the foods we have to choose from that are so readily available

• touch things and people that comfort and soothe us

• smell different aromas that the earth provides that calm and excite us

The ability to laugh and love are the added bonuses to being human. We can choose to engage in these two wonders as often or as seldom as we want to. Since most everyone I know loves to laugh and loves to feel loved then doesn't it make sense for us to go ahead and include these with our other 5 senses?

Anytime you are feeling down and out, bored, anxious, numb, or disconnected from others, take out a piece of paper, write down these 7 wonders of the world and make a list of how you can engage with each of them. Then afterwards, notice how you feel. Chances are you might just feel more wonderful.

Here is my list:

see: photography exhibits and stare at glorious trees in Portland parks

hear: music I like and people's voices when they speak to me

taste: juicy berries I eat in the morning with yogurt and honey and everything else I mindfully eat

touch: soft blanket on my couch when I'm relaxing and massage my scalp in the shower

smell: mint mate tea I drink in the morning and the ginger citrus soap bar I'm using right now to wash my body

laugh: watch Master of None (funny netflix show that my new friend just introduced me to)

love: write thank you and miss you letters to friends and family

End of the year blessings, Beginning of the year discoveries

Wow...what a whirlwind life has been for me in the last few months. The year 2015 turned out to be anything but dull, and mostly a year of much change and more continued growth. It's astonishing how things unfold in a way that so often in the moment has you gripping on tightly with feelings of worry and anticipation of what is next, only to later on reflect back on the entire experience with a sigh of relief and understanding of the WHY it all happened.

I would have to say that 2015 was definitely a year of more intensified rooting and connecting in order for me to figure out my path and experience a deeper sense of grounding. The good news is that my mindfulness practices helped me along the way to get clear, stay focused, and remain calm breath by breath as I cultivated even more awareness of what I want, who I am, what is important to me, and where I want to be. Living like a gypsy for the last half of the year was a process that involved me uprooting in order for me to know where I wanted to ground down to grow stronger roots.

Gypsy living, let's just say...it ain't no place for the weary kind like Ryan Bingham sings in his song. Ironically I was blessed to have been invited to see and hear him on Halloween of 2015. Through the experience of living like a gypsy with no place to call my home, the Buddhist teaching on impermanence became a comforting reality for me as I reminded myself daily that this lifestyle would not be for forever.   A few of the lyrics in Bingham's song read:

And this ain't no place for the weary kind
This ain't no place to lose your mind
This ain't no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

After having finally finished all the hours I needed to get licensed (which I was able to do in two years like I had planned), I ventured out to Hawaii to see about this place called Maui which everyone who knows me, knows that this place is nearest and dearest to my heart. It's a spectacularly beautiful place where healing happens and mindful living comes naturally. I went to Maui to just be. To unwind. To set my spirit free from all the stories I had been told by people who needed to share them in order to feel again, to heal, and understand how to manage their pain by no longer suppressing it. Maui was good to me. It gave me what I needed to mindfully nourish myself through the sights and sounds of ocean, sun, sky, sea creatures, waterfalls, and glorious trees.

Upon returning from Maui, I experienced more of life with what felt like a hard wooden paddle and I'm not talking about the kind of paddle you would use for outdoor pleasure activities. No, this was the kind of paddle that really hurts when you get hit with it. A painful dose of reality after having been living in paradise, but again...I realized that it was a blessing in disguise that pushed me towards deeper growth and acceptance of what I truly want and how resilient I can be.

Life after Maui became an experiment on impermanence as my perception of what it meant was dissected and explored like a science project. Buddhists believe impermanence is an essential mark of existence that expresses the notion that all of conditioned existence, without exception, is temporary, or in a constant state of flux. Living like a gypsy tested my faith in this belief and my capacity to keep moving forward regardless of whether or not I had my life figured out. I was so incredibly fortunate to have been helped by the angels otherwise known as good people that the universe has blessed me with knowing as my friends. Thank God for friends.

During this time, I lived minimally with what I needed in order to be comfortable and amazingly enough, I felt very at home in the places where I stayed. I went from house sitting, to cat sitting, to kid sitting, to more cat sitting, and back to house sitting as I steadily searched to figure out my work situation and life as a newly licensed LPC. It's amazing how hard you work to get these 3 letters after your name only to discover that once you get the letters, there is no actual guarantee that things will be any different, much less easier.

After a few months of job searching in Austin with very few doors opening up, I stumbled upon a wide open door offering the best of all opportunities presented and it just so happened to be an opportunity attached with a big change, something that I had been longing for from as far back as 2011. In early December 2015, after 10 days of much contemplation, I decided that I would be moving to Portland, Oregon to see about this opportunity, to meet new people, and to admire more glorious trees. As an outdoor enthusiast, I am certain that despite the potential downpours, I will bask in something other than the sun and this will be greenery.

The 3 day road trip with my brother was a very unexpected and pleasant surprise that turned out to be one of 2015's most special blessings. His genuine kind heart and calm nature carried me through to the very end of 2015's roller coaster ride of highs and lows, achievements, uncertainty, growth, and big decisions leading me into the new year. Portland greeted me with a snowy day which happens as rarely as once or twice a year. So far the city has been good to me. After the snow and ice melted away, the sun came out in short snippets for a whole week straight. I have met some very nice people both in and outside of work who I think will turn out to be the angels I was meant to meet and call my friends in the Pacific Northwest.

I feel so happy to have a home again where my gypsy spirit can now rest.

The blessings I am grateful for from 2015 are:

- growing stonger connection with friends and family

- learning to set personal boundaries in relationships

- knowing when to walk away

- being true to myself

- practicing self love and actually feeling it

- gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to live by faith

- trusting myself and others more

- becoming a more positive thinker and person (always a work in progress)

- accepting things as they are and striving to be present in each moment

- having a courageous spirit to take risks and flow with change

The discoveries I've made in 2016 are:

- that moving to another state isn't as scary as it sounds

- people in Portland are very nice and personable

- the radio stations in Portland rock

- that the sun actually does come out here from time to time

- rain doesn't have to stop you from being outside and doing things

- driving in the rain makes you a more cautious and mindful driver

- working in a group practice with other therapists is a breath of fresh air because we are birds of a feather supporting one another

- each passing year of life is another opportunity for growth and understanding

Dear Yoga

Dear Yoga,

Whenever I go long periods without practicing you, I start to feel different in my body, mind, and spirit. It's as though I don't feel much like myself at all.

The first thing I begin to notice is that my body feels more tense and achy. Knots of stress and muscle tension form, hardening my outer shell and causing it to lose its elasticity. I feel less springy and buoyant; more inactive and heavy.

My mind seems to feel more scattered as it becomes quite difficult for me to stay focused on one particular task and not at all centered within my own self. Usually my mind will go to places I prefer not to spend too much time in because the inner dialogue that takes precedence is the one that is less positive and more critical.

Not practicing you regularly also makes me feel low-spirited. I get down on myself, my passion for life slowly begins to fade, and my creativity is stunted as my stream of imagination and ideas become blocked.

As soon as I get back to practicing you, I feel an immediate shift in all parts of my being. The flow of breath and movement ignite an inner fire within me as I feel sweat coming out through my pores, running down my face and neck, and softening my body once again. I feel spacious and strong at the same time. I feel stable and secure.

While I practice you yoga, I hear words that resonate with me. These thoughts spoken by someone else often inspire me to think and feel in new ways. Sometimes I'll experience a shift in perspective of the world, of how I view myself, and others over and over. This makes me feel more alive and aware of all that is.

One of the reasons I love to practice you most yoga is because you build up my confidence and open my heart. You make me feel good about who I am and what I am capable of. You make me feel and there is nothing more human than to feel. When I am challenged to shape my body and self into a certain pose, I feel curious, courageous, calm, and connected. I feel worthy of being.

Thanks to you yoga, I have found a life long practice of feeling grateful for living with this body, mind, and spirit that were gifted to me and for me. For all of these reasons, I will treasure you and practice you as much as I possibly can for the rest of my days on earth.

Sincerely,

Angela (yogi for life)

Gratitude- Happy Give Thanks Day!

The first time I was introduced to the concept of having gratitude was in 2010 when my mom gave me a small book of quotes on Gratitude written by one of my favorite authors named Melody Beattie.

It has taken me years to truly understand the meaning and power of gratitude. The more I practice gratitude, the more I realize its gift of helping to transform my perception and the way things flow in my life.

Gratitude has become a very significant tool that I encourage clients struggling with depression to practice daily. By practice, I mean to identify, feel, show, and express what you are grateful for.

Here is my list of what I am thankful for this year after the top four being good health, family, friends, and a job. I feel grateful for:

• peace of mind

• eyes that can see and focus on all creatures great and small

• ears to listen to people tell me about how they are feeling at their core

• having a body, mind, and spirit that are one in the same working together to keep me alive

• the perfect moments that come my way when least expected

• having the ability to surrender to the unknown and accept uncertainty because I can trust

• the connections i've made in this last year with people, places, and things

• feeling more compassion for myself and for others

• growing more wise each day through awareness and curiosity

• learning that it's all the little things that contribute in my choice to be happy

• believing

• being able to love and be loved

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie

Ignite Your Fire

When I talk with clients about connecting with their spirit, I refer to the light bulb on the Root&Connect logo because I perceive our spirit to be like a light inside of us that becomes energized and alive when we are most in tune with what ignites our fire, our passion, and our creativity.

Last night I went to a friend's birthday dinner party and 'coincidentally' found myself sitting across the table from another guest who started talking about her interest in holistic health and wellness. Our discussion felt energetic and uplifting as we were engaged in telling our story of how our path towards adopting holistic health practices came about. It was very clear that even just talking to someone else who shared a similar mindset about health ignited our fire in a way that could be felt between us and by those sitting around us who were listening.

If a person tells me that they don't know what they feel passionate about, my first response is to ask the question: What makes you feel more alive? If you take time to self reflect, I think it is possible to discover that there are actually a number of things you do that make you feel more alive. These things can be as simple as eating chocolate, running, swimming, organizing, cooking, riding a bike, singing, dancing or being in nature to just as complex as painting a masterpiece of art, writing a book, giving a speech, creating a new invention or a business idea.

When was the last time you stopped doing your everyday routine to engage in something that turns on the light inside of you and ignites your fire?

Life can be mundane when we don't change things up from time to time. Particularly if day in and day out, we only do what is expected of us or what we need to do for survival. If you are not working in a job that ignites your fire, try to make a conscious effort to do things outside of work that you feel passion for. Connect with your heart and ask, what do I really enjoy doing? Or what do I really love to do? Then take a moment to be silent and still long enough to see if your spirit answers you.

If this doesn't work, then try doing new things that you have always been curious about. Be mindful of when you are doing something new to connect with your body and notice what sensations you feel. If you feel as though a light has been turned on inside you and feel more energized, then you have discovered a new way to ignite your fire!

“I believe that when when people pursue their passions, they are turned on, they have their best ideas, they meet people who inspire them. Passion is your guide to your life.” ~creator of GoPro

Bend or Break

How do you manage to stay calm when things in your life are uncertain, you're unclear of which direction to take or what choice to make?

To be in limbo is to be in an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition. Being in a state of limbo is anything but comfortable and can often times be extremely nerve-racking. It can feel like our sense of self is being rattled and our significance in the world is questionable.

If we define who we are by how secure things are in our lives, by who loves and values us, by what we do for a living, by how much money we make, by what we own or by how others perceive us, we run the risk of basing our self worth on external factors rather than from our internal compass. The relationship we have with our self needs to be solid and unwavering rather than solely dependent on things that are often out of our control.

Life seems to test our ability to bend or break during times of transition, uncertainty or change. As we grow older and wiser, we begin to understand that life is unpredictable and that most of the time we are not in control of what happens. We learn that the only thing we can control is our self and the choices we make. We choose how to manage our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs about our self during times when the roller coaster of life unexpectedly takes deep and scary plunges into the unknown.

What happens to your self worth when things fall apart concerning your relationship, your professional life, your finances or with a goal you set out to achieve that never came to fruition or just flat out failed?

I believe that much of what defines us is how we relate to our own self and more importantly, how we treat others during times when we are living at the top or when we are experiencing our most difficult bottom. When things are uncertain or don't go your way, notice if you allow yourself to get swallowed up by fear and insecurity. When situations in life cause you to feel painful emotions such as disappointment, loss, betrayal, rejection or confusion, it's important to get centered with self and find your inner strength so that you are able to recognize what you are really made of.

It is in these moments that we are stretched to grow, to learn who we are, to see our self as worthy (no matter what), and to discover that we may bend, but we do not break.

Think Less, Feel More

Have you ever wondered what animals think about? When you look into the eyes of your cat or dog, do you wonder if they are thinking about what to do next or what happened to them yesterday?

Chances are, they aren't thinking much at all. Instead they are feeling. They feel when their body needs food, when their body and mind needs rest or when their spirit needs love and affection. Animals are very in tune with their surroundings because they aren't focused on what happened or what is about to happen, they simply focus on what is happening and what they feel.

What if people could learn to live in the world similarly to animals by thinking less and feeling more?

Often times when I am in session with a client, I ask how they feel about a situation they are struggling with. Instead of responding with an actual feeling, they immediately go to thinking which leads them to giving me a cognitive response as opposed to a heartfelt response. I help them to see and understand this more clearly by explaining to them that in order to feel what they are truly feeling, it is necessary to get out of your head and into your body. We are not meant to be walking heads!

Ways to get more into your body so that you can connect with how you feel are:

1. Close your eyes, connect with breath, and then shift your focus to one particular body part. A good place to start might be focusing on your hands or feet and noticing the sensations you feel when you take all of your focus there. Sensations can range from feeling hot or cold, tingly, jittery, heavy or light, etc.. This can be done with any part of your body.

2. Engage in using your five senses by really tuning into what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. This can be done while you are cooking, eating, bathing, or simply walking around a park. At any point in time, your senses are there to guide you and remind you of all that you are capable of feeling.

3. Take some time to be still and silent and ask yourself, “what am I feeling?” If you are able to sit long enough in silence, your feelings will surface and you will become aware of what it is you feel. The trick is to not be afraid of whatever emotion arises.

4. Yoga and meditation

Before snapping this photo of the goat, I stood and stared at him for a while. I was trying to feel what he was feeling. Was he feeling the wind against his face that swayed his long goatee from side to side? Was he feeling his full stomach from having eaten grass all day? Was he feeling content to be around his goat friends and family? Or was he feeling my energy as I locked eyes with him?

The best part of being human is that we have the ability to both think AND feel. For some reason, thinking has become way too overrated in our society. We believe that thinking is what leads to being productive, being productive is what leads us to more success, and we 'think' success leads to more happiness. Animals don't seem to care much about success and the truth is...they seem pretty darn happy. Perhaps we should try to live more like our four legged friends by thinking less and feeling more.

Breath is Life

During one of my last days in Maui, I went to Makena beach because I knew I would be able to snorkel there even though it wasn't early in the morning when the ocean visibility is better and the fish are significantly more active.

Once under water and closer to the reef, I swam around determined to see something. There was a spot where the current felt really strong. The wind was blowing across the ocean's surface causing the ocean floor to stir up sand and other particles. Despite the cloudy water, I continued to breathe through my snorkel with eyes wide open to what I might find if I was patient enough.

To my surprise, I stumbled upon a starfish that was swaying back and forth with each big wave. I couldn't tell if the starfish was dead or alive and before giving it a second thought, I reached out to grab it. I had never held a starfish in my hand before and didn't know what would happen if in fact it was alive. I rushed out of the water and placed it on a wet rock. I watched closely as it began to take a different shape and attach itself to the rock. Then I noticed that it was covered with what looked like miniature tubes that were sticking out and moving all around. I thought to myself, this starfish is living and breathing!

It was fascinating to observe what I now know to be called tube feet or papulae, which are little sacs all over the upper surface of the body that allow for oxygen to enter. This is how starfish breathe! These beautiful creatures have such a spectacular way of breathing that when you are up close and personal, the simple act of breath becomes completely mesmerizing. This led me to think about how all living things on this earth have to breathe in one way or another.

I often wonder how it is that we humans got to be so busy that we often forget how important it is to just breathe. In my work, I normally start out each session by asking clients if they are ready to go inward. At that moment, we close our eyes, we connect with breath, we begin taking deep breaths in and out as a reminder that we are now here, we are alive, and we are taking time to root and connect.

Finding the starfish on one my last days in paradise was a marvelous gift and reminder that breath is life. Think about it...without breath, there is no life.

Waves

Lately, I have spent a lot of time at the beach. I like to think of the sun and the ocean as my saving grace. Some of the best moments here on Maui have been when I look at the waves, play in the waves, and listen to the waves. There is something so calming and soothing about being on the edge of earth and so close to water. It's hard to imagine what life would be like without this liquid force that does so much to help keep us alive and well.

Yesterday, I went into a store that had a small wooden sign that read, Ride the Wave. I thought about how common it might be for people here to use this phrase. Ride the Wave can mean so many different things. First there is the obvious, a surfer rides the wave with the surf board. After that the meanings that come to mind have much to do with my analytical counselor brain.

When I talk with my clients about meditation and how to do it, I ask them to imagine that sitting in meditation is like being one with the ocean. The intial deep breathing can create an oceanic sound that can continue even when the breath becomes more natural and less forced. I explain that their thoughts are like waves that come and go, come and go. The idea is to simply sit still, in silence and give space to their thoughts as they observe them coming and going. I tell them that there is no need to ride any of the waves (the thoughts), there is no need to attach to any one thought. As the observer who is watching the waves, the mind's eye is not particularly focused solely on the waves, but instead is focused on the inhalation and exhalation of the breath or on a chosen mantra.

Another way that I perceive Ride the Wave is in relation to the ebb and flow of life. Good things happen and then not such good things happen. We feel happy and then we feel sad. We feel hopeful and then something happens that triggers us to move in and out of feeling hopeless. We feel confident and then we feel insecure. We feel successful and then we feel defeated. These changes are the waves of life that teach us more about who we are and our ability to sink or swim.

The beauty of the ocean is that it is vast, open, pure, and to us can sometimes seem infinite. The beauty of life is that it allows for us to create that same kind of ocean beauty. The trick is becoming more aware so that we are able to see it that way and to live it that way. All of us have the ability to be expansive, open, pure (uncontaminated or untainted), and never-ending. The waves of life continually open up possibilities for us to discover our passions, to create, to leave a mark when are no longer here, to learn ourselves, to define ourselves, to love ourselves, and to truly feel alive.

Above and Beyond

During a yoga class here in Maui, the teacher said something that caught my attention and rang very true for me. She said, “Be above and beyond your outside circumstances.” What's interesting is that I really needed to hear those words to help me get through a situation that presented itself on the very next day.

These words are easy to hear, but not at all easy to put into practice. When something happens in life that you didn't expect at all, you are blind-sided and after the initial shock, you have one of two choices: How you react and whether or not to Let it Bring You Down or Let it Build You Up.

When you choose to be easily affected by outside circumstances that are out of your control, you are resisting what is, and the battle inside can continue for as long as you allow it to. This gives power to the situation that is disturbing your peace of mind and attempting to weaken your core self (your higher self).

On the flip side, you can begin to view circumstances as things that happen because they are supposed to. They are what is and many times happen for good reason even though we don't see it that way. When you allow yourself to feel what you feel and process for as long as you need, time and space serve as healing agents that help you to shift your perspective on any situation. Instead of becoming a victim, you become an observer. You then make the choice to not be so affected because you become aware that this too shall pass like most things ultimately do.

Once we discover that there is a path that moves us from resistance to acceptance, we are able to be above and beyond our outside circumstances because we have finally come to understand that no matter what happens, the most sturdy and reliable rock we need to hold onto lies within us.

We all nurture and grow our inner rock (the core self or higher self) in different ways. I work to strengthen mine through mindfulness, inspiration, courage, faith, practicing trust (which is a daily challenge), self-compassion (being kind and gentle with myself), yoga, meditation (calming my mind), self-reflection, and prayer.

What makes up your inner rock? How will you strengthen it so you can be above and beyond your outside circumstances when need be?

Emotional pain

When was the last time you really felt emotional pain?

Physical pain is something much different from emotional pain. When you feel emotional pain, when you really allow yourself to feel it, it's as though your body is being sucked of all its energy and life.

Emotional pain rips through layers and seems to end up eating at your core. Most often we feel emotional pain in the center of our chest close to our heart or at the pit of our stomach (the gut) which happens to be our second brain.

Most often it takes something completely unexpected, confusing, and impactful to trigger our emotional pain. Something someone said, something someone did or didn't do, a bad choice or a vindictive act. From my own real life experience and in working with others who have suffered emotional pain, the feelings that cause the most pain are rejection, betrayal, deception, loss, disappointment, disallusionment, confusion, and ridicule.

Our emotional pain precedes physical pain. The less we chose to feel our emotions,  especially the ones we struggle with, fear, and reject the most, the more our physical pain is inflamed. Traumatic events and situations can cause us to feel such raw emotional pain, that we are left with nothing more than sprit to help guide us out of the downward sprial of confusion, hurt, and suffering.

Feeling hurt is part of life. Hurt can sometimes be the best antidote for being able to see things more clearly (with a new lens) and suddenly our perspective shifts and changes. What we thought to believe as real, wasn't ever real at all. Who we thought we knew well, turned out to be someone completely different. Where we felt our life was headed, was never actually part of the plan.

Raw emotional pain helps us to remember that we are alive in the midst of a circumstance that feels like death. How we come out of these moments of emotional pain and resuscitate teaches us more about ourselves than we can ever imagine. In times where emotional pain is cutting like a knife or scraping up our insides and leaving us concave, we can come back to our source of life with self-compassion:

Step 1: connect with your breath by taking deep inhales and exhales

Step 2: put one hand on your heart, the other on your belly and transmit love to your own self

Step 3: envision something that brings you peace and calm

Step 4: tell yourself over and over, “Everything is going to be okay”

You have the strength to feel your emotional pain, the power to heal it, and the wisdom to understand that true substance comes from suffering. This is called awakening.

Mindful Living in Maui

Maui greeted me just I had imagined it would. A very hot, sunny day with land and sea complimenting one another in such a way to create this magnificently beautiful island where I feel so at home. A big reason why I enjoy island life so much is because everything slooows down. You immediately feel a different kind of energy here that forces you to take more pauses and pay attention (even admire) all that is around you.

I've decided that my time in Maui is the perfect opportunity to practice mindful living by focusing on the simple things that make this place feel so peaceful and magical.

Each new day, each moment invites us to Stop, Look, Take In (notice what you feel), and Repeat. This is living mindfully.